Erectile Dysfunction and Vegetarianism: Coming Soon Thanks To Global Warming

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This is not exciting news.

The National Institute of Scientific Research in Brussels has identified global warming to be a significant contributor to erectile dysfunction.  Dr. Alfvin Schwartz, chief of the study, said:

The evidence is clear! All statistics confirm it, but most scientists would not believe it. However, the data is irrefutable. Global warming makes it go numb! There is no other way to say it.

In related bad news, the Subcommittee on Food Sustainability and Safety, responsible under the Department of Agriculture and Health and Human Services, is drafting the 2015 U.S. Dietary Guidelines that include concerns for saving the planet.

The stated objective: “The goal is to develop dietary guidance that supports human health and the health of the planet over time.” Bread lines: Coming soon to an ecological co-op near you.

Dr. Miriam Nelson, chair of the subcommittee, specifically added:

Eating fewer animals, but choosing those wisely, and reducing sugar, refined grains, things like that…would actually have a lower footprint than what we are currently doing.

The bottom line: the planet’s fever is giving you ED and your comfort food will have to be a tofurkey sandwich or a veggie burger, rather than a steak or a slab of ribs.

Have a great day.

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