9 Reasons We’re All Gonna Die in 2014 – If You Think Like a Liberal

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We must stop climate change in 2014, or it could be the end of the world as we know it!! Just take a look at these horrifying charts!!!

Carbon dioxide hit an all-time high of 400 ppm (parts per million) in 2013.

1. Carbon Dioxide Hits Record-High in the Modern Era

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That means the earth’s atmosphere has gone from 99.964% to 99.96% not carbon dioxide in just 20 years! Ehrmahgerd!

But what about global temperatures?? Aren’t those out-of-control? The earth’s going crazy and we need to turn over all control to the government now!

2. FIVE Major Temperature Data Sets Say Global Temps Flat for 17 Years

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So what if these five major temperature data gathering stations show no statistically significant warming for the last 17 years? The earth’s freaking out, man. It’s totally, like, global weirding.

Take 2013, for example, and all those crazy hurricanes in the Atlantic…

3. Hurricanes Well Below Average, No Major Hurricanes

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Wait… you’re saying there were no major hurricanes that hit U.S. soil in 2013, the first time since 1994? But the cyclones, man, those tornaders were outrageous! Can you believe all of those twisters…

4. Tornado Numbers at Record Lows

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Oh, this year’s on track to have the fewest tornadoes in recorded history? Nice. Hmm.

Yeah, but… there’s still those tropical storms! Those were wreaking havoc across the globe…

5. Tropical Storms Down to Mid-70s levels

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Don’t forget the heatwaves! Yeah, those heatwaves are scorchers, burning up everything in their path..

6. 100 Degree Temperature Days Near Record Lows

NumberOf100Degree On pace for fewest days of 100 degree temps in recorded history. Well, there were still the forest fires…

7. U.S. Forest Fires at Recent Lows

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Around an 18-year low. Great. But that doesn’t mean the world isn’t in crisis! We’ve got the polar ice caps. Oh yeah, Al Gore said that the polar ice cap would be completely melted by now…

8. Polar Ice Cap Grew 60% Since Last Year

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That still doesn’t mean we’re not all gonna die! I mean, natural catastrophes are worse than ever!!

9. Number of People Killed by Natural Catastrophes Down 98% Since 1920s1

But that’s just because of early warning systems and advanced communications, it’s not because the extreme weather hasn’t gotten more extreme – or something like that.

Editor’s note: This article is satire. These data sets don’t mean that we’re not all gonna die from natural causes – it’s just not going to be in 2014 and it’s not going to be from “anthropogenic global warming,” “manmade climate change,” “global climate disruption,” “global weirding” or whatever new lie the left has thought up to steal our liberty – and our money.

H/T Climate Depot

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